My family does not love me

September 22, 2020

Dear Pastor,

I hope my letter finds you in good health. I have many issues. As I write to you, I'm in tears. My husband tried to console me, but I'm so angry. I had a rough childhood.

My mother and father separated when I was 12 years old. My father did not care for any of my two younger siblings or myself. My mother was very laid-back, always saying, "God will provide", while I know that God help those who help themselves.

When I was in high school, I had to clean for family members and walk door to door in gated communities selling DVDs to send myself to school. I left high school with seven CSEC subjects. I went to sixth form, where I got six CAPE subjects, and then moved on to a teachers' college in Kingston.

I won't lie, I took out a student loan one year, and my boyfriend at the time assisted me with the other fees. I will forever be grateful for what he did for me. However, he migrated under circumstances that I couldn't live with, so we peacefully went our separate ways. I graduated with a bachelor's degree in education, second class honours. I now teach at a high school.

My husband and I went away for the summer. We left my younger sister, who has a toddler daughter, at our house to watch and take care of the house and my dog. When I came back the place was a mess. My mother, sister and brother claimed that they had cleaned the house. Everywhere was in a deplorable condition. I was upset at first and then I calmed down. Today, when I cleaned my bathroom, I started crying and not even my husband could console me, hence I'm writing this letter.

Everything that happens in my family I am the one my mother and younger siblings call on. I have an older sibling who lives abroad and he does not care for them in the same way that I do. At times, he doesn't even take their calls. He always tells me not to allow them to use my phone to call him. We are fine, because I'm not asking him for favours or anything.

I am now beginning to understand why he treats our family this way. My family does not love me, they only love the fact that they can get things and financial aid from me when needed. When I was in college, I planned not to return when I went on the work and travel programme to the US in my final year. However, that's where I met my husband, as he was on holidays, and I decided to return home.

I asked my family to look for a house to rent for me. Two months passed and they didn't find anywhere. My now husband was not familiar with my parish and he had to leave his job and go and find me a house in my area of residence, where my family also lived. He was able to find me a house in four days of searching. A lot of times, I feel like I suffer silently because I cannot always share these things. My husband hates to see me hurt and if I should share everything about my family, he wouldn't like them any more.

At times, I feel like blocking everyone's number as we will be moving into a house that we are building soon, and where they wouldn't be able to find me. I feel like cutting them off and never speaking to them again.

I travelled with two suitcases and one carry-on this summer when we went on vacation, and almost everything in one was for them. Everything that pops up, such as medical bills, etc. I am the one who pays it. I feel like I'm being used, and all I want is to be loved and cared for by my family. I don't feel like I want that any more, I just want to be done with them. I have so much to tell you, but this letter is already too long.

Please publish it, as I will be looking for your reply. May the Good Lord continue to shine upon you, Pastor.

S.

Dear S.,

You have done very well. But you have inconsiderate relatives. If you continue to be sorry for them, they will ruin the beautiful relationship that you have with your husband. Therefore, what I would suggest is that you continue to do your best for them, but that you do not allow them to come between your husband and you.

Believe me, you have to be determined to protect your marriage. When you move into your new home, do not allow them to come there to visit you unless they are invited. I will be praying for you.

Pastor

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